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FIRST principle of philosophy, according to Rene Descartes, was: ‘I think therefore I am.’ So sure of it he was that “all the most extravagant suppositions of the sceptics were unable to shake it”. For Murli Manohar Joshi, however, the line has to be adapted a bit: “I think therefore IIM.”

It used to be said when philanderers ruled the earth, commoners rushed to hide their pretty wives when the royalty passed by the street, you know why. Now, they are doing something similar with institutions that enjoyed autonomy thus far, only these bodies are too big to hide behind walls. Frantic efforts are on, such as industry captains meeting with top powers, suits filed to nullify interference, and articles filling up newspapers and magazines.

Among the myriad reports, there is one that is titled, “Keep off: Kurien,” talking about the views of the father of the white revolution in India, Dr Verghese Kurien. His 1991 report to the Centre on IIMs had suggested independence from the government, establishment of a corpus fund, block contributions from the government and so on.

In the wake of the current controversy, his recent views have predictably been pro-autonomy and anti-meddling.

Kurien is no mincer of words and if you want to know his views on IIM, a good place to look at is a book by S.N.Chary, an IIM-B prof. Titled, “Business Gurus Speak”, and published by Macmillan in 2002, it features interviews with ‘extraordinary personalities’ such as Kiran Mazumdar-Shaw, Azim Premji, N.R.Narayana Murthy, Venu Srinivasan, Deepak Parekh, and Mukesh Ambani, apart from Kurien. “You at IIM are using public funds to provide managers for Hindustan Lever and Nestle,” he says, and Joshi may please note.

Kurien was on the IIM’s Board. “So, I spoke in the Board,” narrates the nation’s milkman. “The raison d’etre of this Institute is to provide managers for the under-managed sector, which means NGOs, co-operatives and the public sector, but not multinationals.” Not a popular thought, you muse. Which is what the Board too felt. “One person sitting next to me with a cigar in his mouth said, ‘You mean to say that the graduates of our Institute are to be taught how to milk cows?’ Everybody giggled at that and he put his cigar back.” Is that the end of the story? No. “So, I said, ‘No. You teach them how to suck cigars. I don’t want to work on this Board.’”

Then, Kurien went on to build IRMA, the Institute of Rural Management Anand, with inputs from his cousin Ravi Mathai, who was the Director in IIM, Ahmedabad. Avoid mistakes that happened in IIM, Mathai instructed: “So cousin, when you build IRMA, please build a bigger house for the director than for the professors so that they will know that there is a boss.” Next, don’t give too much powers to professors; this is not Harvard. For this, Kurien recounts Mathai told him: “I told a professor whom I had appointed, ‘You are free to go ahead and fill all the lower posts in your department.’ That person went to his village, brought all his relations and appointed them. That was a terrible mistake which I made.”

And, there’s one more: “The third point cousin, is that you should cut down on the number of people you employ. We have so many people, and therefore, labour union problems, courts, and so on. I am tired of it all. You are a dictator, so run it as a dictator. If anyone steps out of line, sack him. I can’t do that; I am not made that way.’”

Now, this is Kurienspeak: “I said, ‘Ravi Mathai, neither you nor any of your professors have ever managed anything.” Keep off Kurienspeak on IIMs, shall we say?

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